She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
