My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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