Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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