I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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