So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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