My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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