I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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