rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
