one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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