Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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