she woke up with a sticky ear
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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