How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
