Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
