Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
