Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
