I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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