Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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