i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
