I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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