You smell like a Billy Joel song
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
