Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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