i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize