why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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