Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
