i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We're too hungover to prance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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