I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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