Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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