the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
