I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
