did you get engaged???
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
