I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
