I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
