a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
