Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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