im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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