Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
