Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
