I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
