I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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