break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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