Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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