is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
