they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
love makes seman taste better
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
