maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
