I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
