Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize