Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
