I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
