Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
