O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've blown a few things in my day
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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