I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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