We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
