I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
