Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
