I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
