pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
