you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
