I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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