It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
