i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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