Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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