I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
