I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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