went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
