Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
