Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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