Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
