Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
