He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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