Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
