no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
