just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
